I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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