you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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