I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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