I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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