I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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