i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
