Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
