If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He felt like a one man threesome
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
