i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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