so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
