I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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