we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
