I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
