Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
