I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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