I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
