Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
