At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I forget how to act sober
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
