At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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