There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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