we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
