he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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