It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
