Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
