I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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