i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
