U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
