i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
