Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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