ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
