I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
