After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
