i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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