The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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