dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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