does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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