I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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