Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
