She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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