It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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