bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
