i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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