Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
