the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
