someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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