i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize