Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Randomize
