OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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