"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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