i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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