All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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