My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
