I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
