I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
