yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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