I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
