My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
