I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
