There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
