Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
