Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
