If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
