He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
