wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe