woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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