i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
