that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
