So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
