I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
