my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
