he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
