My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
And then he peed in my hair
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
