i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
