Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
