i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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