actually, I'm a sock model
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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