Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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