i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
