Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we made out on top of his cat.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
