I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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