I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
