Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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