The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
