I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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