Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
