ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
