flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
