I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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