my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Boobs speak an international language.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
