Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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