Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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