Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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