u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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