Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
