I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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